One Rule to Rule Them All
You must have fun!! All kinetic pilots, pit crews, minions, barnacles, Kinetic Royalty, Mad Marshals, course volunteers, spectators, and happenstance by-standers should try their best to have FUN at all times. The mission is to show kids it is fun to be an adult. Those with frowny faces, grumpy grimaces, and other unbecoming sets of emotions shall be cited. Consistent crankiness by any team will garner a time penalty.
1. Pasta is your friend Rule (ACE Rule)
All kinetic sculptures(KS) are human powered (get those carbs for necessary energy). Batteries, engines or other stored energy, are not permitted to propel the vehicle. A KS team may use its pilots, wind or gravity to propel its KS. Stored energy may be used to power non-propulsive items. Pit crews are permitted in certain locations (see rule # 6) to propel their KS.
2. It’s a size thing Rule (ACE Rule)
All KSes must conform to Massachusetts vehicle size restrictions of a maximum width of 102 inches, a maximum height of 13 feet 6 inches and a maximum length of 43 feet.
3. KaBOOM! (ACE Rule)
While flames coming out of the mouth of a dragon KS would be wickedly awesome, combustible gasses are not permitted. Flatulence will be overlooked.
4. Love, love, love Rule (ACE Rule)
All KSes must carry with them a lovable stuffed animal for those moments when your team is in despair and like a barnacle (see Rule #6 and special rules A), it must have a comfortable
location to ride. (1 hour time penalty)
5. Inspector Gadget Rule (ACE Rule)
Commandeering a kinetic sculpture is an inherently dangerous endeavor so it is important all safety rules are followed. All KSes must pass the Main Mad Marshall’s official safety inspection.
To pass the inspection you must have:
-warning triangle (12” x 12”) attached to the back of the KS
-affixed tow ring, attached to the front, in the middle and strong enough to haul the entire KS from whatever situation it may be in (water, mud, sand, the grips of a giant troll, etc)
-Coast Guard approved life jackets for every pilot and barnicle
-waterproof first-aid kit containing at least bandages and antibacterial cream.
-1 container of water per pilot and barnacle (1 quart)
-One horn (with squeezable bulb-please no air horns, we don’t want to scare the birds) See Rule #13
-a paddle or an oar
-a cell phone to receive urgent race related calls (the number will be requested as part of your registration)
-all pilots and barnacles under the age of eighteen shall have a helmet (bicycle helmet, hard hat, batter’s helmet, or skateboard helmet)
6. Friends, Friends, Friends Rule (ACE Rule)
Each Sculpture must have 1 or more Pilots. Each Pilot and barnacle must have 1 human Pit Crew member. Each Sculpture may have up to 1 human Barnacle. Barnacles must be 12 years old or older. Having a Barnacle on your KS will garner you a time bonus!!
7. Breaking the Law, Breaking the Law Rule (ACE Rule)
All law enforcement orders must be followed. If you are directed by an officer of the law to do something, do it.
8. Fun for all Rule (ACE Rule)
This is a family event, with spectators of all ages who look up to Kinetic Pilots with great esteem. Do not consume, ingest, or inhale any mind-altering substances, legal or illegal, before or during the race. The Race is a fantastic journey down the rabbit hole as it is, there should be no need to add to that craziness. (penalty: banishment)
9. Pile it on Rule (ACE Rule)
If you need something to complete the course, you need to carry it on your KS (floatation devices, alternate wheels, basic tools, etc.). Your team can bring along the mig welder in another vehicle, but other basics to fix, for instance a pedal, should be on your KS. Need to pump up your floatation devices? It should be on your KS.
All KSes must also have:
– IDs, for all pilots and barnacles
-Official LKSR Rules
10. It’s Nice to be Nice Rule
Your sculpture must not be dangerous or harmful to yourself or anything else in the world. Projectiles such as arrows, anchors, grappling hooks etc. are not permitted. Bubbles though, are permitted and encouraged. In fact if your KS is surrounded by bubbles throughout the race you will receive a time bonus!!(one hour) Also, a team helping another team makes you a winner and will be noticed by officials (See Awards).
11. Mom’s High Anxiety Rule (ACE Rule)
Make sure you can get out of your KS in an emergency. Each Pilot must have a quick exit path. In addition, life jackets must be worn while on the water! You will not be allowed to begin a water crossing unless you are wearing a life jacket.
12. Feet Don’t Fail Me Now Rule (ACE Rule)
Pilots, you may not have your feet on the ground to propel your sculpture, unless you are in a Legal Push Zone. Do not try to stretch the rules by strapping snowshoes on your feet or argue that it’s the rubber on your shoes touching the street. You will be cited by a LKSR official and a Time Penalty will be given. You may move laterally or backwards to better position yourself when approaching an obstacle. Pit crew may help in moving laterally or backwards or in a Legal Push Zone.
13. The James Brown Showmanship Rule (ACE Rule)
Loud and proud!! Your team name should be proudly displayed for all adoring fans, spectators, TV crews, glossy magazine editors and LKSR Royalty. You also must have the LKSR license plate (you will receive these at check-in) displayed on both sides of your KAS.
14. Ya Can’t Get Tha-ya from Hee-ya Rule (ACE Rule)
Pilots are not permitted to leave the course. You will be given a map at check-in, so there is no reason to be careening off into some far off land, unless it’s wonderland and you are chasing a rabbit; that is ok. Otherwise a Time Penalty will be allotted to your team for such an infraction. If for some reason there is a need to be off course, notify your LKSR official as to the circumstances and accommodations will be made, a little bribing can go a long way in this case.
15. S.S. Minnow Rule (ACE Rule)
The drift limit in the river will be established by the crew monitoring the safety of your water bound vessels. If your KS goes beyond the limit, you will be towed back to the course or brought back to shore.
16. Hug Your Official Rule
Harassment of Officials is not allowed. Officials are doing the best they can. If things are not going your way, take it personally—they are picking on you. Pilots, Pit Crews, and Officials will not involve themselves in incidents of kicking, biting, scratching, or fisticuffs. Anyone engaging in such outrageous activities is not honored, but disgraced. (penalty: 1 hour or Banishment)
17. Beep Beep, Beep Beep, Yea Rule
Sculptures honked upon must yield right-of-way and pull aside at the first opportunity to allow faster moving sculptures to pass. Passing pilots should gesture or display an obligatory sign of gratitude.
18. Who’s Running This Ship Rule (ACE Rule)
There must be at least one pilot over the age of eighteen on board at all times. The steering Pilot must have a valid driver’s license.
19. Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes Rule (ACE Rule)
Your sculpture must be ridden by all Pilots at all times over the entire course. Therefore, at no time (including water entry and exit) can your sculpture be pushed, pulled, or otherwise propelled along the course by Pilots and/or Pit Crew except in a designated “Legal Push Zone”. Your Sculpture may be moved sideways or backwards, either by Pilots or Pit Crew (or both), to areas to perform repairs, to gain better course conditions or to clear the course. In addition, no gadgets, such as skis, snowshoes, boards, etc. attached to your feet will be considered part of the sculpture. (penalty: 3 hours)
20. Real Thing/Right Stuff Rule (ACE Rule)
For the pilots on a sculpture to receive ACE status, no relief pilots will be allowed under any circumstances during timed competition. Pilots must stay within 20 feet of their Sculpture at all times (need to use the bathroom? Please have a pit crew member stand in for you so if we need to find you, we can) and are not allowed to ride on a Pit Crew vehicle while the KS is progressing the course In other words, you may not rotate pilots during the race. (penalty: loss of ACE status and 1-hour penalty)
21. The Agony of De Feet Rule (ACE Rule)
An ACE Sculpture must negotiate the course without assistance from any motorized vehicle. Receiving a tow suggests engineering improvements are required. Back to the old drawing board, and better luck next year! If your KS is able to be pushed, then by all means bring glory to your team by pushing it back to the finish line. You will receive high amounts of praise and glory for toughing it out, though you will lose the chance of ACE-ing (exception: See rule 15, S.S. Minnow Rule)
22. 8% Total Body Wetness Rule
Pilots are only allowed 8% total area of body/clothes wetness. The point here is to stay out of the water. Therefore every effort should be made to keep bodies above the river water line. You never know what could be lurking in them thar waters. (penalty: 30 minutes)
23. Wait Five Minutes, It’ll Change Rule
In the event of sun, the race will run anyway. In the event of rain, the race will run anyway.
24. The Tortoise and the Hare (ACE Rule)
Your KS must move faster than a person walking or the bubbles that might be blasting out of your cannon. To insure the proper encouragement from the masses of adoring fans you have, it is necessary for you to be at the respective obstacle at launch time.
25. Mandatory Fun Rule
All Pilots, Pit Crew members, Minions, Barnacles, Officials, Spectators, Police, Marine Posse,
Timers, Royalty and any Passersby must put great effort into HAVING FUN! for it is such
craziness as this, that keeps us all sane. (See The One Rule to Rule Them All)
A. Barnacle Bonus
For optional collection of additional valuable advantages (a time bonus) non-powering humans (*Ages 12-100; with a minimum weight per barnacle of 93 pounds) can be carried aboard on a specially designed “seat” and may essentially be a “passenger” throughout the entire course. Barnacles may not be substituted and must sign the entry and waiver form. Barnacles may not in any way assist in the movement or propulsion of the sculpture and must stay seated while “clocked in” on the course. The Barnacle may direct and encourage the pilots by yelling and being an annoying backseat nudge, but must refrain from using really bad, ugly words.
B. The Inevitable Eventuality Rule
In the event the Official Race Course must be altered while the Race is in progress, Diverted Sculptures will receive an appropriate time adjustment (positive or negative) by a Race Official. If the detour is essentially the same as the closed route, then let’s forget the whole thing! In the event of a course change, course closures, or difficult timing problems, etc., Pilots must obey all alternative rules, timing, and course changes set into motion by Race Officials.
Unless you are intending to ACE (your team needs to register as an ACE attempter) officials may look the other way if a fine delectible or piece of hand crafted art is discreetly or not discreetly given to them. We also look kindly at teams that distribute bribes to their adoring fans.
D. Uniformly Uniform
It is expected that all teams will have a unified team theme that will help to identify you as a
member of your team. Is your machine a chicken? Then your pilots and pit crew should have a
uniform that matches or relates to your chicken (chicken outfits for all!)
THE ACE AWARD
The ACE Award is the most prestigious individual honor a racer or team can garner. This prize is
a special hand-made medal (think Congressional Medal of Honor, Purple Heart, and Einstein
Genius Knights of the Round Table Award). Many of the machines and pilots that race in other
parts of the world do so, only for this award and eschew any other glory or honors. A pilot who
obtains this medal has conquered not only a race course, but his machine, and himself. When
an ACE pilot enters a room, all must stand to give honor to his or her status and must be
addressed as “Most Visionary Professor.”
THE VERY COMPETITIVE NON-COMPETITIVE AWARD of MEDIOCRITY
Awarded to the KS finishing in the middle. That is the team that has the best overall points in
three categories of a very secret scoring scheme (just a hint-engineering, art, speed).
THE NEXT TO THE LAST AWARD
Awarded to the Sculpture and Pilot finishing, well, next to last. That way the end of the race can
get pretty exciting.
WORST HONORABLE MENTION
Lowest Award known to Humankind. This is given to the Sculpture whose half-baked theoretical
“engineering” did not deter its Pilots from the challenge of the race.
THE GOLDEN DINOSAUR AWARD
Awarded to either the first Sculpture to “breakdown” or the “most memorable breakdown.”
BEST PIT CREW
Awarded and judged by various Officials, and has no real criteria (which reflects the wisdom of
Pilots in choosing a pit crew, or conversely, the wisdom of some Pilots’ “friends” in volunteering
to be the pit crew.)
Awarded by the The Fashion Police who keep the criteria a closely closeted secret.
PILOTS’ CHOICE AWARD
Awarded to the Pilot receiving the most votes from his/her fellow Pilots.
GOLDEN FLIPPER AWARD
Awarded to the Sculpture with the most interesting water entry.
THE VERY VERY COMPETITIVE LOWELL KINETIC SCULPTURE RACE CHAMPION
The Lowell Kinetic Sculpture Race Champion must ACE the course. The award is determined by
Mysterious Mathematical Means which include a point scoring system based on artistic merit,
engineering prowess, and blinding speed of the KS. The KS with the highest average score in art,
engineering, and speed is the ACE Champion. In the case that the ACE Champion has the
highest score in any of the three categories of art, engineering, or speed, then the lesser art,
engineering, or speed prize is forfeited in favor of the BIG ONE, to share the Glory, and not hog
all the biggest prizes!
THE ART AWARD
Awarded by the Art Judges. Category includes consideration of color, costumes, two and three
dimensional “artistic designs,” kinetic motion, humor, theatrical appeal, and mass crowd- and
THE ENGINEERING AWARD
Awarded by the Engineering Judges. Category includes consideration of ingenious conquering
of course obstacles through Sculpture design as well as any ingenious facet of the design that
functions in a truly unique or Glorious Manner.
THE SPEED AWARD
Awarded to the Sculpture and Pilot with the fastest elapsed course time after any time-penalty
infractions have been added.
THE BEST BRIBES AWARD
Need we say more? Homemade treats, art or some other giveaway that brings delight to
spectators and officials alike will garner this award.
THE PEOPLES’ CHOICE AWARD
Voted on by your adoring fans, one of our highest and most coveted awards.